~Needles, Blood, Bruises.~

No Randy isn't beating me. He wouldn't live to tell about it! No I was abused, and I mean ABUSED by a nurse doing a medical for our life insurance. I had to share the tale...I mean I lived to tell the tale!!!

So she shows up at our house on Thursday morning at 11am to do this medical. We'd been fasting since the night before in preparation for it and since we'd had to run a few errands prior to this we were both STARVING!!! Since it was for life insurance I figured she's be in and out in 20 minutes. HAHAHAHAH!!!! So she sits at the table and starts doing paperwork telling us how she should have done it before she arrived but she just ran out of time. Ummmm, my problem why? During this time her cell phone rings and she takes a call from her son, proceeds to get into an argument with him over running an errand and finally hangs up on him.

So half and hour later she decides to get started with us. She takes my blood pressure, weighs me, measures my height. Good, good. Then she does another 5 minutes of paperwork. Ugghhh! Then she does Randys' height, weight and blood pressure. Five more minutes of paperwork. Then she takes Randy's blood sample. No problem. Fumbles for another five minutes to find enough products to do my tests. Phone rings again. It's her son again. Another argument and a slam of the phone. Nice.

Then it's my turn for the blood sample. She decides to use my left arm and a vein that no one in my 30 years of life has ever tried to take blood from. I personally don't think it is a vein for blood to be taken from, it's blue, anyone know??? Anyhow she sticks me with the needle. I wince.

Then she says, "Hmmm that's weird no blood is coming out" So then she starts wiggling the needle around.

I say, Ow.

Then she says "Weird, I see blood under your skin but it's not coming out, maybe I went right through the vein."

I turn pale. Yuck. So she pulls the needle out after a couple more fruitless wiggles. I start gushing.

She says " Hmm that's weird, your blood is not clotting. Here squeeze this in there and gives me a piece of gauze."

I was like, great! I'm starving, ready to faint and I'm gushing blood. Lovely!

So she says, "We'd better have you lay in the lazy boy, you're looking a little pale."
I was like " Do you think???" So I get into the lazy boy and recline. She attacks my arm again. Same result. I'm still gushing yet she can't get any to go into the needle. So at this point I'm doubting her abilities. I mean come on! There is blood there!!! So she goes to the other arm, changes needles to a butterfly needle. Sticks it in.

I say OW!!!

She says "You must be sensitive to pain"

I say "No, I don't think so...I went over 11 hours in labor without any drugs. " She has same result as before. No blood in the needle, gushing blood when she takes out the needle. She now comments that perhaps I should go to my doctor to get checked out because my blood is not clotting. I give her a pained look.

So she decides that the veins in my hand look good. I give Randy a look of horror. He looks at me sympathetically. So she takes another butterfly needle and jams it into my hand. I scream like a little girl.

She says, " You must be really sensitive" I say "Like F&$* I am, that really hurts!"

She says, "Hmmm, its not working"

I say, "Then lets just give up then!"

"No" she says I think I can just do this "HOLEY MOTHER OF GOD, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO!!!" I yell. Both Randy and Ethan jump. I glare at her, wishing that she would just disappear with all her tools of torture.

She says "Hmmm, its not working" I clench my fist and prepare to hit her.

Her "Let's try another vein"

Me, "Are you freaking for real???" Next thing I know she's jabbed me again! (Are you counting here? That's her 5th try!) This time I scream at her and tell her to get it out. "It hurts worse then labor, stop it right now!!!" I begged but she wouldn't stop. She wiggled it around and all I felt was searing pain down my middle finger. It felt like she was jamming the needle back and forth into my hand and that it was pushing in and out of the middle of my finger. Hot searing pain. I had tears.

Finally she announces "Well I think I got enough for the test, I really hope I don't have to come back" I give her the look of death.

Throughout this lovely experience she ran out of supplies and was totally just substituting whatever she could find. She was here for an hour and a half and took 3 calls while she was here and made one. She was all over the place and so unorganized that I'm almost positive that we will have to redo the whole freaking thing.

It is now like 4 days later and my freaking hand still hurts, I'm bruised all over and am now paranoid that I'm dying because she says my blood won't clot and that my veins are rolly. What the hell does that mean???? Anyhow, I lived to tell the tale. But I'm telling you if they call back and say that it wasn't enough blood to do the test I'm telling them to send someone else. She was a nutter. Enough said.

Are you at all a little sympathetic towards me for that experience?