~Sad Day~

I'm going to start off by saying that I'm sure some people will not agree with me talking about this so publicly, I'm not concerned about judgement or disapproval. My blog, my words, that simple.

With that being said for the last week Randy and I have been quietly harboring a painful secret. We were told a week ago that the ultrasound results showed that our baby did not have a heartbeat and that the pregnancy was not likely viable. The specialist wanted us to wait a week and have another ultrasound to make sure. I had it today and Randy and I met with the Dr this afternoon and were told that there was no change, our baby was lost.

We were given the options of how to proceed and I've chosen to go forward with the surgical route as opposed to handling it on my own at home. I'm handling it fairly well emotionally but going through the process and physically dealing with it was not something I could do. So I'm headed in tomorrow for the procedure and am taking a few days off to heal.

I'm not losing my mind crying or emotional which feels slightly awkward but it is how I am. It takes many things to make life and sometimes that doesn't work. In the last week I've talked to several close friends who have also experienced this loss...I'm saddened that this is so common. As the lesson from the book of Habakkuk in the bible teaches us; sometimes we do not agree with God's response, or may struggle to understand the direction he takes in our lives we must find the courage to exercise faith and trust that he is doing it with love for us and not judge him. I fully believe that.

We will try again, we're going to wait a couple of months and make plans...normal for us, LOL. I don't want to have a birthday in the winter months...they suck for fun. So I'm going to try for another April or a May birth so we'll try again in the summer. It will also give me some time to work on losing some weight and getting into better shape physically. My family Dr wants me to lose 20lbs first. I had lost about 6 lbs but I'm going to shoot for 30lbs total loss.

I am blessed to have supportive friends and family and an employer who told me to take all the time I needed. We are grateful for all. We have a beautiful life and this will not change that, it just adds a layer to it that we will always remember. Thanks to all for your love.




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